Well that was a bit of a fail, wasn’t it? My aim at the beginning of the month was to write 30,000 words, (I’d fully accepted I wasn’t going to get anywhere near the challenge target of 50,000) but I only managed to write 15,000. I had loads of time off this month but when it came to sitting down and writing, nothing happened and I was suffering from some major writer’s block and lack of confidence.
I’ve learned that I don’t cope well with time pressure especially when it comes to my creative outlets, it worked when I was writing essays at university but this is completely different! So the aim from the 1st January 2021 (or earlier) is to write 150 words a day for an entire year which would equate to just under 55,000 words by December 31st 2021. And hopefully, at the next NaNoWriMo I should have 46,000 words down and a more detailed outline of this story, so things should be a little easier and more productive.
Every year my lack of confidence and doubt is one of my biggest writing demons, you think you’ve defeated them but then they’re right back with you, watching over your shoulder whispering insecurities and lies. I’ll write a paragraph, re-read it and feel proud of what I’ve just written, but then I realise it’s not perfect and that it needs tweaking when it doesn’t. I’m trapped in this endless cycle and I don’t think the time pressure and daily targets helped, so hopefully writing in smaller chunks might eliminate this.
I understand that the confidence in my writing will come with time, it’s not something I can just fix. The main thing is that I’m not giving up, this project might take me five months or five years, either way, I am excited to watch my writing develop and my story blossom into something epic!
I’m going to try and focus on the positives because, in reality, this month hasn’t been a complete failure! Not only did I manage to write 15,000 words but I also organised all my Pinterest mood boards, developed my character profiles and now have a clear outline for the first 10 chapters.
Overall this has been quite a different month than expected but is has been one which has allowed me to identify my weaknesses and move forward with new and exciting plans. And to finish off this post, I thought I’d share a little snippet of what I’ve been working on during NaNoWriMo, it’s not much but its a start!
‘The most dangerous person at any party is the one who hides in the shadows. The second is the one who has nothing and everything to lose. Every seat at the table was filled, the haze of cigar smoke masked the fear of doubt and clouded reason, leaving a game balancing on high stakes and arrogance. Unlike usual, the game wasn’t privy to any select few instead it presented itself to the watchful eyes of the spectators and the gossiping of high society, the players wanted attention, and their audience was more than willing to accept it.‘